Follow these 5 steps to develop real empathy

Empathy does not mean you understand someone’s experience because you have been there, too. You can never really know what someone is going through, and even if you’ve had a similar experience, it’s always going to be a bit different.

Real empathy is the ability to listen fully so you can come to understand why someone is thinking, feeling, and acting in a certain way, from their perspective. You understand, without judgment, what triggered someone’s reaction or what prompted them to make a decision at the moment—and you seek to understand that person so they feel heard and valued. If you feel you could use some help developing real empathy, here are five useful steps for improving this vital communication skill.

First step: Don’t assume you understand. Summarize the words you hear and share the emotional shifts you notice. Let them respond with agreement or corrections.

Second step: Stay present. They may say something that triggers a personal memory for you. Use curiosity to return to listening so you don’t get your story blurred with theirs.

Third step: Manage your filters. We naturally hear what fits our assumptions and beliefs. We tune out what contradicts our views. Let yourself be surprised by how they define a situation. Look for new details and angles in their story you didn’t expect to hear.

Fourth step: Don’t commiserate. When they talk about things they say are bad and wrong, ask what is behind their judgment. Don’t jump in and agree. As soon as you say their judgment is right, you have tuned out to listening for more.

Fifth step: Remember the goal is to understand their perspective, not fix their problem. If you jump in early with advice in the conversation, they will shut down or become defensive because they no longer feel heard. If you give solutions later without asking if they want your ideas, you run the risk of them discarding what you offer without consideration. Empathize first and reflect. Then you can ask if they would like a few ideas or some coaching to find a solution.

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How journaling can boost your professional creativity

Journaling is a powerful tool for processing our daily events, emotions, and goals. In addition to clarifying your personal life, journaling can be immensely beneficial for organizing your professional goals as well. Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci, Frida Kahlo, and Benjamin Franklin were all avid journal users?

Michal Korzonek is the cofounder of Journal Smarter and encourages his clients to use journaling in business to set goals, achieve realistic deadlines, and boost creativity. He starts by having clients answer one (not so) simple question: What is the one habit that I can start doing tomorrow that would be the most effective first step toward my goal?

Journals can be used for a wide variety of productivity and reflection techniques. Creating to-do lists, drawing flow charts, and tracking your achieved progress are just some of the infinite ways that written reflection can help you clarify and visualize your personal and professional desires.

So what are you waiting for? Pick up a pen and some paper and ask yourself: what do I want to accomplish this week?

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This club answers thousands of letters from heartbroken people across the world

In a small storage room tucked under an archway in a quiet courtyard in Verona, Italy, a group of people are diligently writing letters. They are members of the Juliet Club, an organization that receives letters from the heartbroken people of the world who have no one to write to.

In a tradition spanning decades, the Juliet Club receives an estimated 50,000 letters every year – many addressed simply to “Juliet, Verona, Italy”. Whether a flourishing handwritten poem or a hastily-typed email, the club members are kept on their creative toes as they attempt to write a response to each letter or email in a corresponding format.

It’s a whole lot of work, but it’s absolutely worth it. Martin, an English member of the club, told the BBC that he’s partially responsible for a marriage after having persuaded a woman, who wrote to Juliet, to move across the world to be with her boyfriend. About a year later, the woman wrote a second letter to say the pair had gotten married.

Curious for a peek into the Juliet Club of Verona? Take a look right here.

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