Follow these 5 steps to develop real empathy

Empathy does not mean you understand someone’s experience because you have been there, too. You can never really know what someone is going through, and even if you’ve had a similar experience, it’s always going to be a bit different.

Real empathy is the ability to listen fully so you can come to understand why someone is thinking, feeling, and acting in a certain way, from their perspective. You understand, without judgment, what triggered someone’s reaction or what prompted them to make a decision at the moment—and you seek to understand that person so they feel heard and valued. If you feel you could use some help developing real empathy, here are five useful steps for improving this vital communication skill.

First step: Don’t assume you understand. Summarize the words you hear and share the emotional shifts you notice. Let them respond with agreement or corrections.

Second step: Stay present. They may say something that triggers a personal memory for you. Use curiosity to return to listening so you don’t get your story blurred with theirs.

Third step: Manage your filters. We naturally hear what fits our assumptions and beliefs. We tune out what contradicts our views. Let yourself be surprised by how they define a situation. Look for new details and angles in their story you didn’t expect to hear.

Fourth step: Don’t commiserate. When they talk about things they say are bad and wrong, ask what is behind their judgment. Don’t jump in and agree. As soon as you say their judgment is right, you have tuned out to listening for more.

Fifth step: Remember the goal is to understand their perspective, not fix their problem. If you jump in early with advice in the conversation, they will shut down or become defensive because they no longer feel heard. If you give solutions later without asking if they want your ideas, you run the risk of them discarding what you offer without consideration. Empathize first and reflect. Then you can ask if they would like a few ideas or some coaching to find a solution.

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How journaling can boost your professional creativity

Journaling is a powerful tool for processing our daily events, emotions, and goals. In addition to clarifying your personal life, journaling can be immensely beneficial for organizing your professional goals as well. Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci, Frida Kahlo, and Benjamin Franklin were all avid journal users?

Michal Korzonek is the cofounder of Journal Smarter and encourages his clients to use journaling in business to set goals, achieve realistic deadlines, and boost creativity. He starts by having clients answer one (not so) simple question: What is the one habit that I can start doing tomorrow that would be the most effective first step toward my goal?

Journals can be used for a wide variety of productivity and reflection techniques. Creating to-do lists, drawing flow charts, and tracking your achieved progress are just some of the infinite ways that written reflection can help you clarify and visualize your personal and professional desires.

So what are you waiting for? Pick up a pen and some paper and ask yourself: what do I want to accomplish this week?

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This club answers thousands of letters from heartbroken people across the world

In a small storage room tucked under an archway in a quiet courtyard in Verona, Italy, a group of people are diligently writing letters. They are members of the Juliet Club, an organization that receives letters from the heartbroken people of the world who have no one to write to.

In a tradition spanning decades, the Juliet Club receives an estimated 50,000 letters every year – many addressed simply to “Juliet, Verona, Italy”. Whether a flourishing handwritten poem or a hastily-typed email, the club members are kept on their creative toes as they attempt to write a response to each letter or email in a corresponding format.

It’s a whole lot of work, but it’s absolutely worth it. Martin, an English member of the club, told the BBC that he’s partially responsible for a marriage after having persuaded a woman, who wrote to Juliet, to move across the world to be with her boyfriend. About a year later, the woman wrote a second letter to say the pair had gotten married.

Curious for a peek into the Juliet Club of Verona? Take a look right here.

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Do these things today to save you from stress tomorrow

When it comes to reducing stress, sometimes implementing some practical strategies beats self-care practices. With a few small actions, you can create a future for yourself that is guaranteed to be a little less stressful. Here are 6 things you can do that might save you from stress tomorrow.

Buy a spare: There’s never a good time for items to break, run out, or get lost. What’s an item you only have one of that, if you lost it, or it reached the end of its life, it would be inconvenient without a spare? Perhaps it’s a battery? Perhaps it’s a key? Whatever it may be, having a spare can give you some peace of mind.

Learn how to do something you usually nag someone else to help you with: Instead of turning to the person you always ask when you need some help, try learning a specific task. Learning how to do it yourself will save you the stress of having to rely on someone else’s availability, and potentially the relationship stress of nagging them to do it.

Boost your retirement fund by any small amount: The saying might be that money doesn’t buy happiness, but lack of money is certainly a huge stressor, as are guilt and regret over behaviors you know you should be doing but aren’t. Many folks feel completely overwhelmed by retirement investing, but the more you do it, the easier it gets to do. Start small, and work your way toward a higher number. And don’t forget to see it as a little investment into a less stressful future.

Systematize a process: For example, checklists are one easy type of simple system that can help you to not forget items and minimize mistakes, especially in situations in which you’re likely to be stressed or fatigued.

Invest in making someone else more self-sufficient: When you invest in making someone else more self-sufficient, it reduces the future burden on you, and this benefit compounds over time. For example, if you spend time working on skills with your child, including emotion skills, then that has a payoff for both you and your child.

Brainstorm ideas for a future-likely situation: It often doesn’t make sense to over-prepare for situations that might not occur, but some situations are likely to occur from time to time, and when they do, you might not have the mental space to think up ideas on the spot. It could be ideas for what to do on a rainy day. It could be meal ideas for vegetarian dinner guests. Whatever it is, there’s nothing bad about being prepared.

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How to cook your veggies to boost their anti-inflammatory powers

Although we have sadly moved out of the summer fruit season, winter brings new delicious possibilities in the form of winter squash and hearty root veggies. These hearty veggies pack nutritional benefits and anti-inflammatory minerals and vitamins, but there are some extra changes that will make your winter veggies even more anti-inflammatory. Here are three ways to get the most bang for your buck when cooking winter veggies.

Toss them with spices and herbs: Spices such as turmeric, cinnamon, and rosemary pair well with most squash and will make your produce deliciously healthy. These also make a great addition to vegetables before blending into warming winter soups.
Deglaze with bone broth: Bone broth can stimulate the growth of new collagen, protect joints, and reduce inflammation, so substituting it in for all your broth needs is a great way to pack in more nutrients. Try freezing it in ice cube trays for easy addition to any recipe.
Enjoy anti-inflammatory fats: Cooking oils such as avocado or olive have anti-inflammatory properties and inflammation-fighting nuts and seeds make a great texture addition to any soup, salad, or veggie dish.
Cold winter weather can take a toll on your immune system, but incorporating hearty, enhanced winter veggies into your diet is a deliciously easy way to stay healthy and enjoy cozy winter meals all at once.

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