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Keep Showing Up

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How to keep your relationship healthy during times of stress

When we’re feeling a high level of stress, our brain’s prefrontal cortex goes offline, hijacking our capacity to think clearly and limiting our ability to solve problems. Especially in relationships, stress can bring the worst out of us and make us too focused on ourselves. This can leave both partners feeling alone and disconnected, amplifying an already stressful situation. To maintain your relationship, you need to keep showing up for yourself and teach your partner how to show up for you. The following four steps will teach you how to do just that.

First, be extra diligent about communicating your needs during this time. Tune into yourself first to see what it is you might be needing during a stressful time. Do you want your partner to just listen, or do you want them to engage in problem-solving with you? Do you want a hug, do you need space? Be specific about the behavior you need. Then when you’re feeling less stressed, find out what your partner might need when they’re dealing with stress. The tables will turn at some point.

Secondly, touch your partner. Physical touch releases oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, which helps calm our nervous systems and promotes well-being. Touch between romantic partners is so powerful it can even provide relief from physical pain.

Next, don’t put all your eggs in one relational basket. We need our partners the most during stressful periods, but it’s important to recognize that support can also come from others. One critical way to protect your relationship is to lean on friends and family members who you trust with your vulnerability, especially if your partner is also caught in stress.

Lastly, keep showing up for yourself. This means being compassionate to yourself and finding stress reduction strategies that work for you when you’re alone, whether it’s meditating, exercising, or just making sure you get enough sleep. Finally, remember that you’re not alone with what you’re feeling. Everyone experiences stress sometimes, and there are other people in the world who feel the same as you right now. READ MORE

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Recharge Your Relationship

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4 strategies for clearing the bad energy out of your relationship

Bad energy can make its way into even the healthiest of relationships. If you feel like you’ve been butting heads with your partner rather than living harmoniously, here a few powerful yet simple ways to remove the bad energy and move past these difficult moments.

First way: the praise sandwich. Most of us feel more comfortable offering praise than criticism. Yet, on a regular basis, it’s the praise that falls by the wayside while we shoot off quick criticisms or reminders throughout the day. Over time, all those seemingly innocuous comments add up, and we start feeling unappreciated. To offset this buildup of negative energy, try using a “praise sandwich” when you have a complaint and offer a bit of constructive feedback to your partner at the same time. Once you’ve carefully delivered your constructive complaint, follow it with another piece of praise. This approach makes it easier for you to address something you’d like to see change and makes it more likely your partner will hear you openly without taking the criticism personally.

Second way: resentment clear-outs. When you allow tension and resentments to build up too long, they can eventually lead to a serious conflict. Instead, try scheduling time to share thoughts or tough emotions you are withholding with your partner. When done on a regular basis, this habit can drastically reduce the kind of day-to-day bickering that leads to larger and more dramatic conflicts.

Third way: laughing medicine. Rather succumbing to a moment’s outburst when you’re feeling angry, find a way to make it funny. Make an observation, reference an inside joke, or draw a parallel with something humorous you two experienced recently. This allows you to reframe your problems in a different way and can bring some fun back into your relationship.

Fourth way: compliment practices. In long-term relationships, we have a tendency to take one another for granted. But we should be doing the exact opposite. Try adopting a practice of sharing three things you appreciate about your partner at the end of each day. Over time you will find that the things you once fought over daily seem less significant, and your love for each other has become richer and stronger. READ MORE

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Loving Together

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How to build stronger synergy between you and your partner

You always have a choice to empower your heart and your partner’s to synergistic action, or not. And so does your partner. When you realize you always have a choice to emote words or actions that “move” you and your partner’s mind and body to action primarily from emotions of fear — or love — then you understand pure power is always a choice, and breath away for each. But if you’re not quite sure how to amp up the synergy in your relationship, these four steps will help show you the way. First, pause to understand fear as an action signal and teacher. Fear is an opportunity to listen and tune in more closely. It may be a call to take a seemingly small action, such as to pause and be aware of your self-talk, and better understand how your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and actions all work together. When fear rears its head, the winning argument can be to respond by being present in mind and body, an essential first step to better understand self and other, to empathize, validate one other’s feelings and wants, and so on. Second, resolve to never let fear take over your imagination. You know when fear is in charge of your mind and body because, automatically, you’re in a rabbit hole where everything seems dark. Rather than shrink from the discomfort of fear, opt to transform fear to powerful energy. And invite your partner to do the same! It will take both of you working together. Third, shift away from bullying to inspiring partnership and teamwork. No matter how logical an argument, if one partner comes to feel they are getting the short end of the stick, or being asked to act against their own behalf, both will lose with high costs to their relationship. The real winning argument is an offering of mutual understanding of one another’s wants and yearnings. Four, think of actions that keep you following your bliss. As partners, clarify and share a vision that inspires you both to grow heart-power synergy in your relationship. Brainstorm conscious ways you each take action, some small steps, if only a smile, to reinforce the positive direction you yearn to take or goal to realize. READ MORE

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Together and Still Alone

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What to do when you’re feeling lonely in your relationship

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t feel lonely. It is not a feeling reserved for those who are single or alone. In fact, a 2018 Pew Research Center survey found that 28 percent of people who are dissatisfied with their family lives feel lonely all or most of the time. When it comes to those of us in relationships, people tend to feel lonely because either something isn’t working in the relationship itself or because they look to their partner to fill a void that they’ve been carrying within themselves. Whatever the culprit, here, ways to address the root of loneliness are there for you to be explored. If you’re feeling lonely in your relationship, here’s what you can do about it. READ MORE

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Rewire your brain to stay in love

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4 tips to stay in love 4 tips for staying in love

We know that two people can’t exist in a constant state of closeness—human beings need to take a step back and recharge in solitude as much as we need to be close with one another. That’s why problems arise in relationships when one partner becomes too attached to the other. If this situation sounds familiar to you, check out this piece and learn how to rewire your brain so that you can maintain the love in your relationship. READ MORE

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